The Candle

A Soulful Publication ___________________________________

Spring 2007                  Year 4, Issue 1

 

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Memory Eternal!

Reverend Father Gheorghe Calciu (1925 -2006)

 

Witnessing the Faith

 

 

 

Repose of Father Gheorghe Calciu

Father Gheorghe was born on 23 November 1925 in Mahmudia, Tulcea, Romania, to his parents, Stefan and Ileana. After finishing elementary studies in his hometown, he went on to Bucharest to study at the Faculty of Medicine (1946-48). Then, in 1948, his Orthodox Christian morals and deep religious conviction led him to be imprisoned by the communist authorities for “reeducation,” a tactic used by the regime in an attempt to erase Christianity from the youth of the nation.

 He remained in prison until 1964, when he was released as a result of a general amnesty and returned to study at the Faculty of Literature and Philosophy where he earned a degree in French and began work on his doctorate. During this time, strengthened by his sufferings in prison, he also studied Theology and was ordained into the Holy Priesthood on 30 January 1973.

Father Gheorghe remained vocal in his criticism of the atheistic government and its allies, preaching the True Faith and Christian morals to all who would listen, especially the many young people who were drawn to his message. He taught French and New Testament studies at the Theological Seminary in Bucharest until he was abruptly dismissed in 1978 for speaking out in defense of religious freedom and human rights.

The following year he was again arrested by government authorities as a result of his convictions, and was sentenced to 10 years in prison. Severely mistreated and isolated from even his family, news of his imprisonment aroused protests from the West which eventually provoked his early release in 1984.

Still living under persecution by government and cooperative Church authorities, he managed to emigrate to the United States in 1985 and was accepted into The Romanian Orthodox Episcopate of America the following year. Since 1989, he has served as parish priest of Holy Cross Church in Alexandria, Virginia, serving the community there with love and dedication until his final breath.        

   Frederica Matthews Greene

 

 

CAST INTO THE DEN OF LIONS

From A Talk Delivered by Fr. Gheorghe Calciu

               

            It is by God's will that I stand before you today. Three months ago I was a prisoner of the communist regime in Romania, persecuted and watched together with my family by agents of the secret police, though I did nothing other than preach Jesus Christ in the church where I served. Two years ago I was in the Romanian prisons and the same agents endeavored to destroy me. There were many of them; I was alone and defenseless. There was no law to prevent them from committing such a crime; there were no moral principles to stop them. I had faith, they had force; then again, they had nothing because they did not have God. I had the love and spiritual help of my fellow man, praying for me throughout the world; they had nothing but their hate. And because this conflict was a spiritual one, they were defeated, in spite of all the material power on their side.
            Three months have passed since I was forced to leave my country. I left behind a life of 60 years with all that it encompasses: good deeds and mistakes, times of falling and rising up again, friends and enemies, and an enormous treasury of suffering, which I value above all else because it is a suffering for Christ.
            For the Christian youth in
Romania, as well as for the non-Christian, I became a symbol of suffering for Jesus Christ and a symbol of nonviolent resistance against the brutal communist ideology, which violates a young person's soul. Had I remained there and perhaps suffered martyrdom, it may have had greater impact, but it was God's will that I come here to fulfill His plan for me, which is being gradually revealed.
            Death holds a certain fascination. It is like a deep precipice that at once attracts and repels you. It frightens you with physical destruction, but when death becomes intimate with you, when for years death has been your companion, it is difficult to resist its call. In the spring of '81 I had a deep longing for a martyr's death, but God did not grant it to me. During my confinement I was visited spiritually by Christ, by many of the saints of the Church and some of my deceased relatives--my mother in particular. They talked to me in spirit...comforting me in my sufferings and loneliness.
            When translated into words these sufferings acquire a blend of remoteness, even fabrication. But when experienced with every fiber of my being, when I was encompassed only by walls and by the depressing malice of the guards--the only human faces I could see --had not God's Grace surrounded me more so than at any time in freedom, I should have come to think that the world was made only of executioners and victims. Everything was intensely "hot" then: pain and faith. I had such a keen sensibility that not only the blows and insults caused me pain, but even the evil thoughts of my torturers.
            When Daniel the Prophet was cast into the den of lions, God sent His angel and shut the lions' mouths and they did not hurt him because he was found blameless before them (Dan. 6:22). But God did not shut the mouths of his denouncers. When I was cast into the lions' den--the communist prisons--God did not shut the mouths of the lions or the mouths of my denouncers, but He took me out of there and preserved me...
            During a period of over one hundred days, the administration of Aiud prison tried to kill me by hunger, by cold and by terror. This began at a time when Nicolae Ceausescu, the chief of the communist party in
Romania, was traveling all over Europe attending merry banquets offered him by presidents, kings and queens of Europe. But nothing from these banquets reached poor Lazarus.
            The triumphant reception of their president convinced the guards that Ceausescu was esteemed in the Free World and precious to
Romania, and therefore, anyone who didn't accept his decisions had to be killed. And I was one of those people. Their course of extermination started on July 20 and ended after November l, 1980. For ten days I was isolated in a windowless cell without air, with a jacket and a pair of pants both torn to pieces, without buttons, without a belt, and with food only once every day. In the evening, a wooden board was lowered from the wall and I was allowed to rest for six hours. The remaining l8 hours I had to spend on the concrete floor of the cell. After ten days they put me back in my regular cell for two days, and then isolated me again for another ten days. This game of death lasted more than one hundred days.
            The guard assigned to me was the party secretary of the prison. Poisoned by communist indoctrination, he insulted me with such dirty and humiliating words that I preferred to be beaten rather than listen to his insults. Nothing was holy for him, no one was spared his insults--neither I nor my parents, nor my wife, nor my son, not my priesthood, not even God.
            Twice a day I was walked to the restroom to empty the "tineta" (a wooden or clay bowl which served as a latrine bucket). Those walks were the worst torture I experienced. I was insulted, hit and sometimes pushed; it happened that the contents of the "tineta" spilled onto the concrete and I was then forced to clean it up with my bare hands.
            During my internment I served the Holy Liturgy every Sunday and Church holiday. At first the guards insulted me and beat me to make me give it up. I held fast and at last they left me alone. To their way of thinking I was crazy, but my craziness was the kind spoken of by
Saint Paul: "For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish, foolishness; but unto us which are saved, it is the power of God. For it is written, I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and will bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent" (l Cor. l: l8-19).
            It was Sunday, and I was isolated. It was one of the days without food, and I couldn't serve the Divine Liturgy because I had no bread. The Orthodox Liturgy is celebrated with bread and wine, and the central moment is then when the Holy Spirit descends and transforms bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ in a real though invisible way· From that moment our attitude towards the Holy Chalice is humble, loving and fearful, as inspired by the presence of the Savior. In prison we had no wine, but we had bread and through necessity admitted by these extreme circumstances, my service was complete.
            On that Sunday, I asked the Lord to help me forget my sadness at the impossibility of serving the Holy Liturgy for lack of bread. A thought came to me: to ask the guard for some bread.
            The evil guard was on duty, and I knew that my request would make him angry; he would insult me and he would ruin the peace I had in my soul for that holy day. But the thought persisted and grew so strong that I knocked on the iron door of the cell. A few minutes later, the door was violently opened and the furious guard asked me what the matter was. I asked him for a piece of bread, no more than an ounce, for serving the Holy Liturgy.
            My request seemed absurd to him; it was so unexpected that his mouth dropped open in amazement. He left slamming the door as violently as he had opened it. Many other hungry prisoners asked him for bread, but I was the first to ask for bread in order to serve the Divine Liturgy. I regretted my impulse.
            Twenty minutes later, the door of my cell opened half-way and quietly the guard gave me the ration for a whole day: four ounces of bread. He shut the door as quietly as he had opened it· and if I had not been holding the bread I would have thought that it was all an illusion.
            This was the most profound and most sublime Holy Sacrament I have ever experienced. The service was two hours long and the guard did not disturb or insult me as at other times; the entire duration of the isolation section was peaceful. Later, after I had finished the Liturgy and the fragrance of the prayer was still in my cell, the door opened quietly and the guard whispered:  "Father, don't tell anyone I gave you bread, or you'll ruin me."

If the world oppresses us, then Jesus comforts us; if the earthly powers kill us, Jesus gives us the martyr's crown; if the kings cast us into the lions' den, the Son of God shuts the mouths of the animals; if we are sad, our joy is Jesus. We are not alone, and we are not deserted... (Fr. Gheorghe Calciu)

           

            "How could I tell this to anybody, mister first sergeant? You acted as an angel of God, because the bread you gave me became the Body of Christ. In so doing, you served by my side, and your deed is now recorded in eternity.”
            Without answering, he quietly shut the door, looking at me until the last moment. After that, he never insulted me and during his eight hours of duty I had the most peaceful time of isolation.
            I have related this double aspect of my confinement--the suffering and the divine consolation-to make you understand that God secretly balances our lives. If we have God we shall never collapse from the pain of this world. During our most atrocious suffering we suddenly discover oases of light and sacred joy.
            If the world oppresses us, then Jesus comforts us; if the earthly powers kill us, Jesus gives us the martyr's crown; if the kings cast us into the lions' den, the Son of God shuts the mouths of the animals; if we are sad, our joy is Jesus. We are not alone, and we are not deserted...

 

St Basil the Great

Each saint the Church honors responded to God's invitation to use his or her unique gifts. God calls each one of us to be a saint:

            Basil was on his way to becoming a famous teacher when he decided to begin a religious life of gospel poverty. After studying various modes of religious life, he founded what was probably the first monastery in Asia Minor. He is to monks of the East what St. Benedict is to the West, and his principles influence Eastern monasticism today. He was ordained a priest, assisted the archbishop of Caesarea (now southeastern Turkey), and ultimately became archbishop himself, in spite of opposition from some of his suffragan bishops, probably because they foresaw coming reforms.  

              One of the most damaging heresies in the history of the Church, Aryanism, which denied the divinity of Christ, was at its height. Emperor Valens persecuted orthodox believers, and put great pressure on Basil to remain silent and admit the heretics to communion. Basil remained firm, and Valens backed down. But trouble remained. When the great St. Athanasius died, the mantle of defender of the faith against Aryanism fell upon Basil. He strove mightily to unite and rally his fellow Catholics who were crushed by tyranny and torn by internal dissension. He was misunderstood, misrepresented, accused of heresy and ambition.                                       Even appeals to the pope brought no response. “For my sins I seem to be unsuccessful in everything.” He was tireless in pastoral care. He preached twice a day to huge crowds, built a hospital that was called a wonder of the world (as a youth he had organized famine relief and worked in a soup kitchen himself) and fought the prostitution business. Basil was best known as an orator. His writings rightly place him among the great teachers of the Church. Seventy-two years after his death, the Council of Chalcedon described him as “the great Basil, minister of grace who has expounded the truth to the whole earth.”

 

Forgiveness

 

In his book, Lee: The Last Years, Charles Bracelan Flood reports that after the Civil War, Robert E. Lee visited a Kentacky lady who took him to the remains of a grand old tree in front of her house. There she bitterly cried that its limbs and trunk had been destroyed by Federal Artillery fire. She looked to Lee for a word condemning the North or at least sympathizing with her loss. After a brief silence, Lee said, “Cut it down, my dear Madam, and forget it.”

It is better to forgive the injustices of the past than to allow them to remain, let bitterness take root, and poison the rest of our lives.

 

 

 

A Graceful Pastoral Visit

 

The few memories I have of Archbishop Valerian (1914 – 1987) are very vivid in my mind, and I cherish them a great deal. I regret that I did not have the chance to be around this special man more often, a man who loved people and who gave everything he had to the service of the church.  He was a very gifted man and had a lot to offer. My minute of fame with Archbishop Valerian is that I believe I was the last priest to be ordained by him.

I will never forget when his Eminence came to visit me for the first time at my first parish, the parish of The Holy Cross in Alexandria, Virginia. 

I had been out of seminary for quite some time before I was assigned at Holy Cross and had done a range of different things in the meantime.  After seminary, I worked for the Archdiocese in Sibiu and pursued course work for a doctorate in theology. After this, I spent two years as a special student at Virginia Theological Seminary in Alexandria with a scholarship from the World Council of Churches. When I finished my scholarship, I went back to Romania for a couple of years and then returned to the States. When it was time to serve the parish, my liturgical practice was deficient. Even what I had learned during my student years, I had forgotten.

When the time came to serve the vespers service, the Archbishop kindly asked me, “Father, what is easier for you, for me to serve with you or to sit in the chair?” 

“Either way, Your Eminence, since I know I will make lots of mistakes,” I responded timidly.

 He looked at me for a while, trying to read my mind, and then he said, “I will sit in my chair. Just do it. Follow the book and you will be fine.”

Lord, behold, everything seemed to go well. The following day, on Sunday during the Divine Liturgy, he served with me and everything once again went fine. After the service at the coffee hour, an outstanding member of the parish invited his Eminence to his house for supper.

Archbishop Valerian replied, “I am sorry! I can’t accept your invitation. Today I would like to dine with my priest and his family. They have already invited me.”

I felt bad for His Eminence for I knew what a beautiful, relaxing home and great supper this family could offer Him. We had a modest place. We lived in basement apartment, partially underground. We had hand-me-down furniture and some picked up from the street. I don’t remember if we had invited him, but, I will never forget his words: “I must dine with my priest and his family.” When I think about it, it still warms my heart and waters my eyes. He wanted to have supper with me and my family. He wanted to take the opportunity to know me and my family better, to see where and how we lived. He was really interested to know one of his new priests.  

My brother-in-law from South Carolina was visiting with us the same weekend. He was in Washington on a business trip and had stayed with us. When he heard that His Eminence was coming over for supper, he decided that he should go sight-seeing in D.C.

“What can I talk about with a bishop? I never met a bishop in my whole life,” said my brother-in-law, who was raised in a Southern Baptist church.

While leaving, he met His Eminence knocking at the door. Immediately after they were introduced, they started to talk, and my brother-in-law forgot about his plans to go downtown. He sat at the table and had supper with us. I was amazed at how his Eminence was able to keep my non-Orthodox brother-in-law so alert in their conversation. At that moment, I learned about one of the most interesting qualities of Archbishop Valerian, namely his talent and capacity to converse with anyone, no matter what a person’s age, background, or level of education.  One thing was very clear to me: his Eminence was genuinely interested not only to know me, his new priest, but also my wife and her family.

After supper, my brother-in-law left, and my wife was busy cleaning up. His Eminence sat on an easy chair and talked to me personally. I sat on the sofa, listening and taking in everything he had to say to me. He asked about my family back in Romania, and how things were going with my family here, and if we could meet our needs, etc. He also discussed how being a priest in America was much different from being a priest in Romania. He gave me advice on how to have a good ministry in America, and at the church where I was assigned. He told me to take it easy, to be patient, and to move slowly into the leadership position at my parish (I must say that this was one piece of advice I understood only much later in my ministry).            It was a heart-to-heart talk, a warm and engaging conversation. He also listened to my concerns, and he answered the questions I had.

At the conclusion of our discussion, he said, “Before I go, for I must go now, I must tell you a few things that you should know and do next time you serve with a Bishop.” He explained in kind words everything I did wrong during the services of that weekend.  “Serving with the Bishop is a little different than serving alone,” he continued. “But I understand that this was the first time you served with a Bishop. You did not do too badly.”

After these words, he blessed my wife and me, said goodbye, and left. It was not a very long pastoral visit, but its memory is everlasting for me.

This pastoral visit was the best one I had my whole life. It set me on the right track as a very young and inexperienced priest and gave me great encouragement, and its effects have lasted for the duration of my ministry.  In fact, just last summer at the Church Congress, having been troubled in my heart, confused in my mind and discouraged in my faith, I visited Archbishop Valerian’s grave. I wept and asked him (I prayed to him) for guidance. He once again, from the blessed place where he is, looked down on me and brought peace and encouragement into my heart.  I knew then and I know now that any time I am in need, he is there for me to help me, to advise me, and most of all, to encourage me. 

Any time I feel reserved or hesitant about making a pastoral visit, I remember Archbishop Valerian’s pastoral visit with me, and I boldly go and visit. I know that I do not need to say much, but I just need to be there. Showing that I am concerned is enough most of the time. If I can bring only a small part of the pastoral grace to my pastoral visits that His Eminence brought to me with his visit, I would be greatly pleased.

                                               Father Cornel Todeasa

 

 

 

A Spiritual Migration: The Story of my Return Home

 

As I was growing up, I was living in a world that neither my mother nor father had a complete understanding or control of, particularly my mother who was an immigrant. Of course, my parents allowed me to participate in many of the same “American” luxuries that the other children in my school took pleasure in, such as skiing and camping. They let me sleep over friends’ houses and have sleepovers. The only thing I don’t remember getting was an allowance for my chores, which they felt was an American invention.       But every weekend, I was asked to leave my “American” world behind and enter into the world of my extended family and Romanian Orthodox community. Every Sunday, while my friends were often enjoying hiking excursions or visits to amusement parks, I was expected to attend church school and listen to a man dressed in an ornate robe chanting and censing. After the service, we would go home and sit around with my parents’ company for the rest of the afternoon, eating Macedonian foods, like Pita and Fasulada while listening to Greek or Macedonian music. I would always rather be a t a gathering at my friends house where we could hamburgers and  hotdogs. I was always amazed at how my friends’ cabinets were lined with loads of unhealthy, great tasting snack foods. My mother never bought junk-food and cooked homemade meals daily.    

Growing up in a predominately Anglo Saxon neighborhood, I was convinced that there was no one like me among my circle of friends at Timothy Dwight School. The life I lived at home seemed to me a strange way of life, and for the most part, I kept the details of my ethnicity secret from my teachers and friends. It was easier to not bring up that side of my life, when the most I could do was to clumsily and ineffectually explain. When my friends would ask me what church I went to, I would reply, “St. Dimitrie Romanian Orthodox Church,” and they would immediately, say, “What?” and when I repeated it, they would laugh and ask, “What’s Romanian Orthodox?” with a perplexed, almost judgmental look on their faces. In my neighborhood, you either attended Greenfield Hill Congregational Church, St. Timothy’s Protestant Church, or St. Pious Catholic Church. 

When I entered high school, the chasm between what I called “my parents world” and my world grew even larger. I pretty much turned my back on my ethnicity and my faith since I wrongfully assumed the two went hand-in-hand. I realize now that my parents, even my father who was born in this country, experienced the same cultural pull but in the opposite direction: they felt more comfortable in their Macedonian skin, while I felt more comfortable in my American skin.

            My Father had given me two gifts for which I am grateful. One was that he wanted me to be a believer. He wanted me to have faith. At the same time, he also encouraged me to think for myself and to question the world. But when I was younger, I was neither brave enough nor mature enough to allow these two things to work together in my life. One Saturday morning, when I was about sixteen years old, I was sitting quietly at the back of the church after going to confession. I remember looking at the Icon of Jesus at the front of the altar. Without warning, an insight entered my mind. It was very direct: that religion might be a completely human creation, and that God could be an invention of our minds, and Jesus could have been a wonderfully wise man and nothing more.

            It was at that moment I decided to stop attending church. I began to give my parents such a fight on Sundays that they finally succumbed and allowed me to make a decision regarding church. I respected them for not forcing me to continue and for not judging me, because if they had, they might have totally snuffed out the littlest bit of passion that was still present. My mother insisted, however, that I attend Church on Christmas and Easter, and that I take part in confession and communion once a year.

            By the time I was in college, I was so intrigued with reading and learning, particularly with philosophy, that you could say, that in a way, my mind and soul where held captivity by a world of knowledge. The individuals I looked up to where philosophers, teachers and other intellectuals for their ability to dissect the world and put it back together in their own fashion. I was never a proclaimed atheist like many of the people I knew and befriended, and I continued to believe in spirituality, but more so from a philosophical and theoretical distance. I did not believe in committing myself to any type of practice. Although I was quite happy, successful and able to do many things one could hope to do in a lifetime, something was never quite right and always missing. In short, I realized that what had been missing in my life was inside of me the whole time. I had repressed a part of myself – an important part of who I was, both ethnically and spiritually.     

            I can’t say that the only reason for turning away from my faith was because I associated it with my ethnicity. There was also the seduction of secular American culture. But as a child, when it was so important to fit in, I feel that the biggest factor in my leaving the church was that I wanted to be “more American.” But as a result, my two sides did not equal one. In fact, they were often at odds with one another. The result was that I felt short at both ends, and I missed out on a large part of my identity, both my Orthodox faith and my ethnic roots.  

            As I approach middle age, I still have to work at it, but the traditions on either side of my ethnic and American life and my spiritual and professional life, mingle together, still occasionally sparring, one outshining the other depending on the day. But like good friends, they are dear to one another, forgiving and intertwined. What a difference from my earlier life, when I repressed both my ethnicity and faith and there was no such way to identify with those sides of myself. I am once again a practicing Orthodox, having finally acknowledged the presence of the Holy Spirit within myself. But it was also the steadfast presence and example of my parents and a few other key individuals who helped my return to the Orthodox Church.

            Having undergone this voyage, I better understand and appreciate what all of our ancestors experienced. The immigrant’s journey is founded on departure and deprivation before it ever evolves into a sense of arrival and advantage, which has been my story with regaining my faith. And just as a migratory bird instinctively returns home when the long barren winter is over, I too, after all of this time, instinctively knew where my home was.

I often feel that I still lack authority in many ways when it comes to being Orthodox, but the longer I practice my faith, the more it seems to be gaining ascendancy. I have been back for six years now, after having been away for twenty-three. I anticipate that I will continue to be a practicing Orthodox for the remainder of my life, and during this time, I will also continue to calculate this shifting equation, whatever answers it may yield.       

Gale Bellas-Papageorge

 

 

 

Not Just a Joke!

Fr. C. Norel

 

We Must Give Due Credit to God

 

A joke goes like this: A rabbi had a very important meeting in the holy city. But, as we might expect, it was very difficult to find a parking place in an old city like Jerusalem. As he drove around close to the place where he needed to be, he started praying, “God help me to find a parking place, and I will give to the temple. I promise I will be a very good rabbi …”

            As he was praying, a car pulled out in front of him, emptying a parking place. He suddenly looked up to the sky and said, “God, never mind… I found a place myself. Don’t bother with my prayer any more!”

            I found this joke hilarious, because it is an ironic reflection on our lives. It can reflect on us all. Very often we pray to God and, when our prayers are answered, we do not give any recognition to God. We discredit God of any resolve or action and credit ourselves. We rob God of His “mighty works” in us and with us.

            More often, when we are in real need of help, with great ease, we make promises to God. We promise that we will be good, that we will go to church, and that we will give to the poor and to the church. But very soon after, our promises become dust in the wind. We might go to church the following Sunday, but since we do not have the discipline to regularly attend church services, we very often fall by the wayside. And if we are not charitable people to begin with, receiving more gifts from God does not make us “cheerful givers.”

            This is why I am very skeptical of the people who pray to God to help them win the lotto so that they can help build a new church. First of all, in their prayers, they show a lack of satisfaction with what God has already given them. Secondly, giving to build a new church should be a sacrificial giving from the heart, as an expression of our faith and not only because we have so much. We do not need to give much. When we ask to win the lotto, we say to Him, “Give me more, so I can be rich, and then I will give some of it to build a new church.” Do remember, playing the lotto is gambling, and is, in a way, “dirty money.”  Do you believe that God wants to build his holy house with that kind of money?

            Very often, we credit ourselves with the facts or goods gained for which we asked with God’s help. We say, “I was so smart do that… I was very lucky to get that… I worked so hard to accomplish that…” while we should say, “Thank you Lord for your help, which  opened my small and incapable mind to the knowledge that helped me to get that job, to develop that skill to do the job that helped me to make a good living.”

            After we laugh hard at this joke, I believe we should take it very seriously and ask ourselves some important questions.

            What should we do, then, when we are in dire need of a parking place? Yes, we can pray to God for His help, for if we ask for anything in His name it will be given to us. It seems that there are more important things to pray for than a parking space.  First and foremost, we should and must pray for the salvation of our souls. However, even a prayer for a parking space is not a lost prayer. For every prayer is a conversation with God and brings us closer to Him.       Also, when we make promises to God, we should make only those that we know we can keep.  Once we make a promise to God, there is nobody to release you from it except for God himself. And if we do not fulfill the promises we make to Him, we are better off not making any promises at all. For when we get the benefits and do not honor the Giver, we do not discredit ourselves alone, but also God Himself.                                                          

 

Women in the Bible

 

Ruth - A Woman of Devoted Love

 

            The story of Ruth is set in the period of the Judges, but it was probably written much later, after the return from exile in Babylon. Ruth was poor, a foreigner, and a woman, and all this counted against her. Her story illustrates the triumph of courage and ingenuity over adverse circumstances. Ruth’s story has special significance for Christians. In the gospel of Matthew, four women are included in the genealogy of Jesus (Matthew 1:2-17). Ruth is one of the four.

                Ruth’s story celebrates the family and the way it continues through many generations. Ruth, a childless widow at the beginning of the story, became the great-grandmother of Israel’s greatest king, David.
                The story of her family, and the way it continued despite misfortune, is the story of the Israelite people, who continued despite all that happened to them. Even an unlikely person like Ruth, a foreigner from the despised Moabite nation, could be used by God in the unfolding of the Israelite story.

 

 

My Crises of Faith

 

                It was near the end of my pregnancy with my second child. My grandmother

came to stay with me to keep an eye on my eldest daughter when I went to the

hospital. It was one of the nicest times I had with my grandmother. We always had

a close relationship, but this time it seemed a little different and more special. She

seemed a bit preoccupied and sad, and I kept asking her what was wrong. She kept

saying “nothing,” but I suspected there was something she was keeping from me. I

had a dream, a premonition, a few weeks before my daughter was born, and I saw

my Father in his coffin. It shook me up quite a bit, and I couldn’t get the image out of

my mind. As we sat one day at the kitchen table talking, I said to her, “I know

something is wrong, and you’re keeping something from me.” Her eyes welled up,

but she denied there was anything wrong. Since I was only days away from full term,

I put it out of my mind.

            My second daughter arrived on Saturday, June 16, 1973, and I came home

three days later. My mother, father, sister, uncle and aunt came from Massachusetts

the following Saturday to see the little“buchka.”  I was so happy to see everyone

and so proud of our new addition. My sister asked me if we could go into the

bedroom to talk privately. I sat on the bed and looked at her with a quizzical

expression on my face. It was then that she dropped the bomb.

            She told me that my Dad had colon cancer and had six to eight months to live.

I was devastated. I went from walking on cloud nine one minute, to having the rug

pulled out from under me. My mother and aunt walked into the room. One look at my mother’s eyes, and I totally lost control of my emotions. We all hugged, and they told

me to put on a brave face for my Dad and for the sake of my children. It was one of

the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. 

            I was the first-born, and my Dad and I had a very close relationship. I loved and respected him. He was the greatest Dad and a truly devout Orthodox Christian.  He was always fair in his dealings with us, and as we grew older, he gave me the greatest gift. He trusted me, which meant the world to me, and I never wanted to disappoint or hurt him. I’m not saying I was the perfect child. I did have a few chances to go out with my peers. But always in the back of my mind, I would ask, “what would my father think?” I never wanted to lose that trust he had in me. So, when my sister told me my dad was dying, I totally lost all reasoning. I railed at God at the unfairness of it all. I asked, “God, how could you do this to one of your most faithful and dedicated servants?”

            It was one of the lowest points in my life. I was wallowing in pain, anger and uncontrollable tears. I didn’t realize it at that moment, but every time I felt depressed, my daughter would cry and needed  to have her diaper changed or for me to feed her. It was His way of distracting me from my pain and sorrow, but I was too angry to see His grace.

            I spent the rest of the summer at my parents’ home and saw the slow decline and wasting away of my Dad. It was extremely painful for all of us, and I continued to be angry with God. I would yell at him when I was alone, and as my Dad’s time on earth grew near, I remember yelling at God and saying, “I hate You,” with such vehemence that I am amazed he didn’t strike me down right then and there. The parish priest at that time would come everyday and pray at my father’s bedside for hours. Of course, I would think, “What’s the use, he’s going to die anyway.” As you can see, I didn’t stop believing in God, because I kept yelling at him. I just lost faith in His love, mercy and justice.

            Dad’s last hour was spent quietly, and he gave us his Blessing and told us to take care of Mom and Maia (my grandmother) and to promise to stay close to his sisters and brothers. We, of course, gave him our word. He stared at the window and asked my sister and me, “What’s that shadow by the window?” We couldn’t see a shadow but knew it was the Angel of Death waiting to take him away from us. I left for awhile to take my youngest daughter to my cousin’s house, and it was at that time my Dad looked at my mother, grandmother, his brother and wife and my husband, thanked them all for being there with him. He made his cross three times, smiled and gave up his soul. Just minutes after he died, I came back home and my mother sobbed and said, “He’s gone.” I went and sat on his bed and kissed and cried my heart out. My Dad was gone at the age of sixty-three, never to see his grandchildren grow up and never to celebrate our birthday’s together on the same day.

            I went through the next few years angry, and it only increased when the bomb dropped again. A drunk driver killed my thirty-three year old cousin who was living in Florida. I remember getting the phone call and screaming and crying. I was just recovering from the loss of my father and now the eldest and first born of our generation was dead. Again, I cried out to God, “How could you do this to us?”  As sad as my father’s death was, this was totally devastating. She was so young and left two young sons. I thought I would never get over this tragedy. Then my father’s youngest brother and sister both were diagnosed with cancer. “Oh, God, why??”  They both passed away after much suffering and that was very difficult to endure. Through all of their suffering, when I would see my aunt and ask, “Hi Teta (aunt), how are you doing?” she always answered with “Thank God, I’m doing all right.”  She was walking around with an oxygen tank but still had a positive attitude.

             My father’s eldest brother had lost his daughter in the accident, and later, he lost his grandson and another daughter. But through all of this, both of them would say, “Thank God, I’m doing ok.”  I would stop and wonder how they could say that after all they were enduring. After my aunt died, I kept remembering her faith and what she suffered but never lost her belief in the almighty and His infinite mercy. The same went for my uncle. He endured the worst pain any parent had to endure. It was then, through the persistent prodding of a friend, I started reading the Bible. I read the Book of Job and saw all that Job had endured and still never lost his faith. It was like having my uncle and our family’s life flash before me. The Lord slowly opened my eyes and my heart to His infinite mercy, which prepared me for the worst pain my family, was to suffer. My baby brother died of a heart attack in front of all of us at a church banquet at the age of 48.          

    The pain of that loss was and is still so raw. But, I know that if my uncle, who had lost two daughters, a grandson, a nephew and all his younger siblings, could have the constant faith, I had to look at this situation from a different perspective. God showed me that there was always someone who is suffering worse than we were and that His infinite mercy is there for everyone if we just open up our hearts and minds. I remember getting down on my knees, sobbing and asking Him to forgive me for doubting Him, and I “truly” experienced the overwhelming love and peace of our Father. I know that He was there for me and as my favorite poem Footprints in the Sand says, “My dear child, it was then that I carried you.” I know with all my heart and soul that He was carrying me and brought me back into the light of His love and Grace.                                                                                    

 Audrey Fatsy

 

 

A Lenten Meditation

 

            In many of our Lenten readings and meditations, Judas’ negative role among the Apostles comes up in one way or another.  He seems to be an intricate part of our Lord’s passion, crucifixion and death. Different understandings and interpretations of the role he played in our Lord’s arrest and condemnation range from putting all the blame on him to his being completely exonerated.  

            Those who believe his action should be exonerated think that he was somehow destined to be the “necessary” traitor. One may cite the text from the Mystical Supper, when Jesus Himself sends Judas, saying to him, “What you do, do quickly” (John 13:27).  I believe these words of our Lord had to do more with Him being prepared to take up the Cross and with it being the right time for the cosmic event that was about to take place. These words of our Lord were not a license to commit the most outrageous act of treason.

            The truth is that Judas was not preordained to act as the necessary evil in the chain of events that would lead from the death of our Lord to His Resurrection and thereby, the Salvation of mankind. His action of betrayal was an act of his own free choice as well as an act of futility. There was no need for anyone to betray the Lord, for Jesus was not hiding in the Garden of Gethsemane out of a fear of being arrested. He went there to pray while waiting for the soldiers. When they approached Him, He said, “Have you come out, as against a robber, with swords and clubs to take Me? I was daily with you in the temple teaching, and you did not take Me. But the Scriptures must be fulfilled” (Mark 14: 48-49). And to Judas, Jesus said admonishing him, “Friend, why have you come?” (Matthew 26:50).     

            Judas’s act of betraying his “friend” can be explained in many ways. Maybe he was driven by his passion of money as St. John suggests, calling him a thief (John 12:6). It also seems clear that he did not understand that Jesus was not just a local and national figure of political importance. It was hard for Judas to grasp the genuineness of a spiritual and universal savior, a heavenly King sent also for the Gentiles. Although his actions towards the Lord might be explainable, they cannot be justified. Judas’ actions could have been forgiven, however, for the Lord is a forgiving God. This forgiving nature of our God was well understood by another disciple of our Lord, St. Peter.  

            After St. Peter realized the gravity of denying Jesus three times, he repented and cried bitterly. The Lord forgave him and accepted him back among his beloved disciples. In contrast, Judas’s sorrow turned into desperation. Judas’ greatest sin was not even the fact that he did not truly repent and did not have enough trust in God’s forgiving love. His greatest sin was that he cut himself off from God’s forgiveness and salvation. By taking his own life, Judas sealed his own condemnation.

            During this Lent, we should also turn the focus of our meditation on ourselves. First of all, we should acknowledge our own sinfulness. We are all sinners, “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Romans 3: 23). The way we need to deal with our sinfulness is not Judas’ way – the way of desperation. Let us take St. Peter’s way of true repentance during this Lent and always. This is the only way to forgiveness and salvation, and that Way is Christ (John 14:6).

 

 

The bread which you do not use is the bread of the hungry; the garment hanging in your wardrobe is the garment

of him who is naked; the shoes that  you do not wear are the shoes of the on who is barefoot; the money that you keep  locked away is the money of the poor; the acts of charity that you do not perform are so many injustices that you commit.

                           -St. Basil the Great

 

But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you do not appear to men to be fasting, but to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.

(Matthew 6: 16 18)

 

 

Candela

St. Dimitrie Romanian Orthodox Church

P.O.Box 146

Monroe  CT 06468

 

 

 

 

 

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